Light, Love, and Connection...

Well it's been almost two whole months since I started this journey. My mind reels some days with thoughts of what I want to design or make next. And then I think of all the things that I am actually indentured to complete first. For the last three months the most heavily weighted responsibility has been to write a letter to Service Canada's Canada Pension Plan Disability Department requesting a reconsideration of their initial decision to deny me a pension on the grounds of my Fibromyalgia being a debilitating enough infirmary as to completely restrict my ability to work and earn an income of my own. I'm happy to say that I have FINALLY finished the letter (eight pages later!)!!! YAY!!!!! This has been such a depressing weight on my shoulders! With the way my mind and body work, it actually took me the whole three months to write it! Trying to create a letter to someone whom you have no idea about or how they think, and try to explain to them just why I can not work any sort of job, (full time, part time, or seasonal as they suggest) and be able to actually function well enough on a daily basis to keep the job, is a heavy task to say the least. Not only did I try to explain all that , but also try to enlighten them to just what it's like to live with Fibro on a day to day basis even without a job. My mind doesn't work as well as I would like most days and trying to form a coherent letter of appeal brought me down both mentally and physically....

As I said in the letter:

"It is a vicious cycle with this. On days that you actually feel like you can accomplish something mentally or physically, you go ahead and do it, even in a limited capacity, only to find yourself in pain because of it. The pain causes you to get down about the fact that it happened again today which triggers the depression that you worked so hard to surface from, which causes more pain, which causes deeper depression and feelings of low self worth, which causes more pain, etc. Etc....... and when you finally manage to surface again, you think: “ok... I can do it! I got this! I'll just do it a little slower... or a little easier... so I don't flare up again!” Yay! I did it! Smile! .....aaaaaand then the weather changes outside causing you to feel pain due to that... here we go again..........."

But like I said... It's finally Done! And delivered! So YAY!!!!

Now I can focus more on doing things here on this site. I realize that this will never be a venture that will actually make me an income equivalent to being self-sufficient, but it does give me a place to finally make all the things I want to make and a place to share them with others. If I make things that let others get a little joy out of it, all the better!

Take the owl earrings for example, I had a lady purchase a pair for her best friend that just recently moved away. She misses her and knows that she loves owls so she sent them across the island to her and now I have the joyful sense that I have brought a little light, love, and connection to two friends! It feels good!

I have a dear friend who I consider a Mother to me and Nanny to my kids even though I call her Aunt most times out of respect because in Scotland you never call an elder by their first name without getting a cuff to the ear... she likes shawls and asked me to make one in tones of beige and brown. I've finally finished that and I can't wait to bring it over to her this week! Again, it's a little light, love, and connection between friends!

Also, it's my sister's birthday today, maybe I can share something with her to bring a little of that light, love, and connection between us! My sister is an amazing woman! She has such an artistic soul! With Easter coming soon I am reminded of her love of Ukrainian Eggs. I am in no way, shape, or form capable of creating these beautiful objects, but perhaps I can challenge myself to make crochet versions of them. Hmmmmm....... again the mind reels with ideas...

I found this stock picture in the website's stock... makes for inspiration! They're beautiful! Time to start blowing out, hollowing, and dying eggs I suspect.

So, I'll end this Ramble here on a bright note and continue challenging myself by creating more things that might bring that light, love, and connection to a few more people.

With my hands, my heart, my head, and my hoard!

#depression #fibromyalgia #disability #earrings #love #friend #shawl #owl #servicecanada #easter #eggs #Ukrainian