Ramblings in my head today

SO today I feel like I have some accomplishments! I've managed to get some of my earrings up on the site! YAY!!!

I have more in the works!

It's been slow. The weather is hampering my ability to do much of anything. BOOO!!!!!! But at least I manage to get up in the mornings... even when I don't want to because it hurts too much!

Fibromyalgia is a beast to live with!

WARNING: as I wrote this I ended up on a total rant about Fibromyalgia! Consider yourselves warned of long winded-ness!

But this is how it started:

I don't feel confident that people will actually want to read my thoughts. Well, no matter, I'll put them here anyway. At least on days that I feel well enough.

I did say in a previous post that I would get into more about me... well, lets see what I can do to introduce myself and tell you about who I am... well... who i am now... which is totally different than the person I was... not all that long ago... I'm not the person that people who have ever met me before knew... or thought they knew.

I have been dealing with Fibromyalgia for just about the last two decades now. However, for the last two or three years it has completely changed my life.

According to various dictionaries Fibromyalgia is:

Dictionary.com says: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/fibromyalgia

a syndrome characterized by fatigue and chronic pain in the muscles and in tissues surrounding the joints.

Oxford Dictionaries says: https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/fibromyalgia

A rheumatic condition characterized by muscular or musculoskeletal pain with stiffness and localized tenderness at specific points on the body.

Cambridge Dictionary says: http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/fibromyalgia

A medical condition that causes pain in the muscles and surrounding tissue as well as extreme tiredness

Merriam-Webster says: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fibromyalgia

a chronic disorder characterized by widespread pain, tenderness, and stiffness of muscles and associated connective tissue structures that is typically accompanied by fatigue, headache, and sleep disturbances

Four different dictionaries... four similar, yet different, definitions.... none of which actually covers just what Fibro is! Not really.

Ask anyone who suffers from this “syndrome”/”disorder”/”condition”, whatever you want to call it, just what is Fibromyalgia and you'll get a different... yet similar.. answer every time!

I'll even add that it is a “disability”and... I'll even go back to the dictionaries for this one...

The definition of “disability”is:

Dictionary.com says: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/disability?s=t

noun, plural disabilities for 2.

1. lack of adequate power, strength, or physical or mental ability; incapacity.

2. a physical or mental handicap, especially one that prevents a person from living a full, normal life or from holding a gainful job.

3. anything that disables or puts one at a disadvantage: His mere six-foot height will be a disability in professional basketball.

4. the state or condition of being disabled.

5. legal incapacity; legal disqualification.

6. disability insurance.

Oxford Dictionaries says: https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/disability

1 A physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities:

‘children with severe physical disabilities’

[mass noun] ‘differing types of disability’

2 A disadvantage or handicap, especially one imposed or recognized by the law:

‘the plaintiff was under a disability’

Cambridge Dictionary says: http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/disability

an illness, injury, or condition that makes it difficult for someone to do the things that other people do:

a physical/learning disability

She is deaf, but refuses to let her disability prevent her from doing what she wants to do.

Trying to change attitudes to disability is a uphill struggle.

Merriam-Webster says: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disability

1a: the condition of being disabled

1b: limitation in the ability to pursue an occupation because of a physical or mental impairment;

also: a program providing financial support to one affected by disability

2: lack of legal qualification to do something

3: a disqualification, restriction, or disadvantage

Yup... Fibro falls under all of that! It's a limitation... there are limits to what I can do without the repercussions of physically paying for it later if I'm not careful. It's also a mental challenge! Trying to admit to myself that I just cant do some things anymore is a struggle! I've gone through (and still do) some major depression over the fact that I can no longer work at any of the occupations I loved! So yes, it's a physical and mental impairment.

As for “a program providing financial support... yea right!good luck proving to Canada Pension that Fibro is actually a disability! I'm currently in the process of appealing their initial rejection to my application. It's a looooong fight! And it is mentally exhausting! Which in turn causes painful physical reactions in my body. Yet another lovely symptom of Fibro: mental stress will cause physical pain. Go figure.

Also, it CAN actually fall under the legal incapacity part of the definitions... depending on how a person with Fibro medicates. I have spent so many years trying to find medication(s) that would ease the pain! I came to realize a very long time ago that no one thing is going to completely get rid of the pain! Nor will even a combination of things like medication and physical/mental therapy. I've only recently found that I can actually have small periods of time in a day that the pain is actually eased to the point of being able to function almost normally... or at least close to what my “normal” used to be. Cannabis oil has been a tremendous help for me. I still have to use codeine for some of the pain, but eventually I will be able to ingest just the right amount of oil so that all the other medications that I am on will not be needed... or so I hope! The only problem with this method of medicating is that it presents legal connotations. Right now it isn't legal in Canada unless you have a prescription. I do. But that still leaves me out in the cold when it comes to working a conventional job. Most workplaces have alcohol and drug policies that do not allow narcotics of any kind in the workplace. Both the codeine and the cannabis write me off in that respect.

ok... that's it for my “fibro is a disability” rant...

now where was I....

I can't work anymore...at least not in a conventional job where I worked nine to five... or weeks on/weeks off when I would work offshore. My “work” now is simply getting from day to day in the least amount of pain possible. I find that I can still do things like crochet, sewing, or other crafty things. I can still (sometimes) make metal jewellery... but not to the degree I would like to. It depends on what I am making... if I am crocheting a pair of mittens I hook for a while, lay it down and stretch or just rest and then pick it up again a few minutes (or hours) later to keep going... I do this over and over until I get a project done. I can also do this if I am weaving chainmaille but I need to rest my hands much more frequently because pliers are a little more demanding of my efforts. If I am working on a jewellery project that involves sawing, soldering, or hammering, it takes waaaaaay longer... the sawing and hammering hurts my body because of the impact and vibration. And holding a torch steady to anneal or solder can be physically demanding on my whole body. I try to do all these things as “ergonomically” as possible, but I still need hours or days to recover and get back to a project.

I realize that it sounds ridiculous to some that it seems to take so much effort to do such simple tasks that most people could do without even thinking twice about it. I have to think more than twice about anything I endeavor in. It is terribly frustrating!

So what I do now and who I am is a person with Fibromyalgia who loves to keep busy with her head, her hands, her heart, and her hoard! I've collected lots of crafty things and now that I don't work a conventional job, I have the time (not always the physical ability) to get to projects that I've wanted to do for a long time. When I finally do these projects, I want to share them with all of you!

Thanks for listening! well... reading... lol... I hope you like my projects as much as I like making them!

#fibromyalgia #fibro #pain #disability #depression #medication #cannabis #legal #crochet #jewellery #jewelry #chainmaille